Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Coronavirus Parenting Help: Live and in Person

Hello fellow coronavirus shut-ins!! I hope you are all well. In light of this new world order, I have decided to replace my weekly blogs with facebook live broadcasts. This week I will be broadcasting Wednesday/Thursday/Friday at 4 PM. And then starting next week will broadcast Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. This is a time for parents to ask questions and get support and info from me. Parents can either email me questions before hand at joani@joanigeltman.com or ask them in the comments section during the broadcast. We are all in uncharted parenting territory! And I hope to give support and guidance to help you all through it.

You can access the broadcast by putting my name in the facebook search engine and join us live at 4 PM or you can watch it later, by putting my name in the facebook search engine. I will also embed each new link after each broadcast on my blogHere is yesterdays link.
.https://www.facebook.com/joani.geltman/videos/10157071476326914/ 

PLEASE let me know what your parenting struggles are. I'm sure that whatever you struggle with, other parents are as well.

Stay well
we will learn and grow together..
Joani

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

Parenting In The Age Of The Coronavirus

We are in a challenging moment of time. As parents we have a choice to make about how we communicate and protect our children from this very scary and for most of us unprecedented virus. Because most of us have never experienced this type of threat, we have no roadmap on how to care for our children both emotionally and medically.

We all come to the table with our own personality styles. Some of us are laid back, have low anxiety about the things we can't control, and some of us feel the need to control what we can, to manage our own anxiety in order to function. This virus will challenge either style. Laid backers will need to be more directive than they usually are in teaching their children about hygiene and hand washing, and appropriate coughing and sneezing protocol. Their natural go-to, don't worry, it will all be fine, will need some adjustment. Teens by nature think they are invincible and wear a protective armor that nothing bad will happen to them. So they might not be on top of what they need to do to stay safe. They may be resentful, angry and resistant to what they see as trying to be controlled, especially if you have been a more laid back parent. But you will need to model and realistically communicate that this is a time where "it will all work out" needs to move towards, we need to be more active about our own safety.

On the other hand, if you are a person who has a tendency and need to control, and are in a state of high anxiety about your children, you may need to pull back a bit. One thing we don't want our kids to do, is to develop and integrate our fears. Some kids are very cautious and fearful by nature. And for them this can be a terrifying time, feeling the world is going to end, and they will be left alone in it. As a parent with your own big fears, it will be important to understand their anxiety, but also let them know that there are very concrete things we can do to keep us safe. And that we are all here to take care and protect each other.

And again if you have a teen who does not carry a lot of anxiety around with them, they will certainly be extremely resistant if you ask them to give up and not go to places and events that they feel entitled to go. Prepare for a fight. But if you stay calm, and use this I Get It conversation, you may get less resistant. Rather than" You are not going, don't you get how dangerous this virus is. Haven't you heard about the kid that ........Sorry but you are not going!"
Instead say " you know honey, I get how unfair this feels. I know how important and how you were so looking forward to XYZ. But until the experts tell us that these kinds of events are OK and safe, we need to follow their lead. Let's think of an alternative that will be fun and safe."

Neither "Don't worry it will all be fine" or "you are not leaving the house" is useful. There is a middle ground of "this is scary AND we need to take care and still live our lives the best we can.

Stay healthy everyone, AND go enjoy this beautiful day!!!

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

High School Is A Moment In Time

I've been reading the actress/comedian/writer/producer Mindy Kaling's book called Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?   It's not only hilarious, but full of great life lessons, albeit funny ones, especially for teens. She captures so brilliantly the hyper-self-consciousness that is a such a presence in a teen's life, and also the drama that teens experience.  You know when your teen experiences a humiliation, betrayal, or exclusion, that it feels to them literally like the end of the world. Here's what Mindy says about that:

"Teenage girls, please don't worry about being super popular in high school, or being the best actress in high school, or the best athlete. Not only do people not care about any of that the second you graduate, but when you get older, if you reference your successes in high school too much, it actually makes you look kind of pitiful, like some babbling old Tennessee Williams character with nothing else going on in her current life. What I've noticed is that almost no one who was a big star in high school is also a big star later in life. For us overlooked kids, it's so wonderfully fair. 
    I just want ambitious teenagers to know it is totally fine to be quiet, observant kids. Besides being a delight to your parents, you will find you have plenty of time later to catch up."

She talks about what it's like being a girl, well because she's a girl, but these life lessons are not gender specific. The high school experience is just a moment a time. It's not only a good lesson for your teens, but it's also a really good lesson for parents. The most important years of your teen's life are yet to come. High school is NOT the defining moment. Your teen might not know that, but you should!