The pandemic is easing, and you are aching to "get out of dodge." Trips to see family you haven't seen for a year, vacation spots you've been waiting to visit, and just getting out of your damn house and see something besides your yard and your local supermarket!! I get it!!!! But unfortunately just when you can see and taste freedom, what your teen maybe thinking is OMG I HAVE TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH MY FAMILY!!!!!!
When your teens were younger, the "family" vacation was mythical. Something to look forward to, something to get your kids though the winter doldrums and that last month of school when you can taste summer but can't experience it yet. Fast forward to the teen years, coupled with a year of "family togetherness, you may not get the enthusiasm you are hoping for! "We're going to the cape again....Europe!!!! who wants to spend my summer looking at churches and museums. Wah wah wah, I'll miss my friends."
First don't get hooked into that argument or come back with a "Do you know how lucky you are?" lecture. In this moment, being separated from friends, and possibly missing out on some amazing party, concert, or hang session is all they can focus out. You don't need to argue or convince, just listen, and then say " I get that this feels hard and I know that you're worried you might miss out on something fun." And then just stop there. You know they are going, and that this is not an optional trip. If you allow yourself to get hooked into an argument they will never stop hoping that if they wear you down, you'll leave them at home with a friend. Just let them vent.
In addition to the venting strategy, do try to include them in the planning. If they feel included in the decision-making you will get much less resistance. Maybe the dates aren't flexible but the what of the trip is still open to discussion. Maybe it's to visit family, or go to a vacation destination that you have been going to for years, or maybe you are lucky enough to travel to some exotic location. Make sure that the activities you choose to do where ever you go, take into account who each of your kids are, and their personal interests . If they love sports, then find a local soccer/tennis/ baseball game that might spark their interest. Or if they like amusement parks, or shopping malls, beaches, pools, zoos, you get the idea. Your idea of what to see and do, may be the antithesis of what they like to do. Ask them to look on the Internet for something in the location that they might like to do. Including them in the planning is a sign of respect. And respect leads to accommodation. Just don't expect smiles and gratitude. You'll get that in 10 years as they look back on their youth and tell you how amazing that trip was that you took when they were 16. As you think, OMG you were a pain in the ass on that trip. Now you tell me you had fun!!! Go figure!
Understanding Your Child’s Temperament and Personality
Strategies For The Future
Is your child:
· The adventurer
· The lawyer
· The child who always says no
· The anxious/shy child
· A combination of all 4
This seminar describes these personality styles and gives parents the strategies to bring out the best in their child both in the present and implications for their development from childhood through their teen years.
Audience: Parents of all ages
Joani’s Top Ten Parenting Tips
The secret to parenting is to keep it simple. Learn 10 simple, concrete practical tips useful in those daily moments of stress as a parent when you wish you had the "right thing to do and the right thing to say!
Audience: All ages
FOR PARENTS OF TEENS and PRETEENS
Adolescent Psychology: The Parent Version
- Learn how the brain affects your teen’s behavior. It’s the battle of the thinking brain VS the feeling brain.
- Learn Effective strategies for arguing-The Four Ways Of Fighting.
- Develop effective strategies for keeping your teen safe as they explore the new world of teen life.
- Learn how to teen-proof your home and cell-proof your teen
Sexting. Texting and Social Networking: What’s A Parent To Do?
- Understand how the “emotional brain” of a teen gets “turned on” by social networking.
- Understand how the “Imaginary Audience” influences your teen’s performing on social media.
- Learn which apps are safe and unsafe
- Learn strategies to monitor and set limits around phone and internet use
- Learn how your own behavior with phones and computers can positively and negatively influence your teen.
Drugs and Alcohol: How Does Your Teen’s Personality Style, and Your Parenting Style impact their experimentation with drugs and alcohol?
- Identify your teen’s personality style and risk-factors with drugs and alcohol
- Identify your parenting style and how it influences your teen’s drug and alcohol use
- Learn effective strategies and scripts to keep your teen safe
- Understand the emotional journey of your college bound high school student
- Understand the emotional journey of a parent of college bound high school student
- Learn strategies for making this process successful and positive
With over 40 years of experience working with families, Joani's approach, using humor, storytelling and easy to use tools make the job of parenting just a little bit easier.
Joani Geltman MSW 781-910-1770 joanigeltman.com