SAY NO
STAY LOW
LET IT GO
Perfection! So your teen comes to you with a request to do, go, or buy something. I think that covers all the bases. This is the kind of request for which there is no compromise. Its either too expensive, too unsafe, or too unrealistic. Your teen, unfortunately does not agree. You state your case in a kind and clear manner, hoping to ward off an argument. Sometimes that works, but if your teen is extremely invested in a YES, I'm guessing you get put on the defensive after being accused by your teen for being overprotective, overbearing, too strict, and the worst parent ever. It's tough not to get hooked. After all you have to protect yourself. But here is the thing, once your teen has heard the word NO, and you mean no, it doesn't matter how loud or how long you argue to the contrary, you will not win. PERIOD! And it will only deteriorate into a place you really don't want to go with your teen. So here is the "Jack Doneghy" strategy.
Say NO in a calm but controlled voice
Stay low, as in keep your voice in a low, soft, controlled register. Once you hit the high notes, you've lost. This means NO SCREAMING NO YELLING
Let It Go: There really is nothing else to say after you have said no. Given that you have explained your rationale for the no.You might end with an "I get it moment. " I get you're angry with me, and don't understand and don't want to hear this answer. I'm sorry, I know how disappointed you are." and you are done. Do not re-engage.
PS maybe your school or company is starting to plan for next year's speakers. I'd love to come! Here are the seminars I offer, why not invite me to your school or business!!
Adolescent
Psychology: The Parent Version
- Learn how the brain affects your teen’s behavior. It’s
the battle of the thinking brain VS the feeling brain.
- Learn Effective strategies for arguing-The Four Ways Of
Fighting.
- Develop effective strategies for keeping your teen safe
as they explore the new world of teen life.
- Learn how to teen-proof your home and cell-proof your
teen
Sexting. Texting and Social Networking: What’s A Parent To
Do?
- Understand how the “emotional brain” of a teen gets
“turned on” by social networking.
- Understand how the “Imaginary Audience” influences your
teen’s performing on social media.
- Learn which apps are safe and unsafe
- Learn strategies to monitor and set limits around phone
and internet use
- Learn how your own behavior with phones and computers
can positively and negatively influence your teen.
- Identify your teen’s personality style and risk-factors
with drugs and alcohol
- Identify your parenting style and how it influences
your teen’s drug and alcohol use
- Learn effective strategies and scripts to keep your
teen safe
- Understand the emotional journey of your
college bound high school student
- Understand the emotional journey of a
parent of college bound high school student
- Learn strategies for making this process
successful and positive
The secret to parenting is to keep it simple. Learn 10
simple, concrete practical tips useful in those daily moments of stress as a
parent when you wish you had the "right thing to do and the right thing to
say!
Joani Geltman MSW
781-910-1770 joanigeltman.com
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