Parenting When It's Hard

Now that this election is over, our kids will be watching and learning from what we say and what we do from here on into this new administration. I'm sure that you are full up of feelings, I know I am. Remember that in any crisis your children look to you for clues on what to do, and how to act. It's a complicated dance, and they are watching and listening to your every word and action.

I was driving around on Saturday morning listening to my favorite Show Tunes radio station, (yes I am a musical theater geek) and heard Stephen Sondheim's "Children Will Listen" from his brilliant musical Into The Woods.( lyrics below)  It reminded me of one of the most important jobs of parenting which is modeling and living the life of values and behaviors you most want your children to learn. As I have said on numerous occasions, actions speak louder than words. If you want your kids to treat people kindly, make sure that they see you treating people kindly, that includes your spouse, partner, mother, sisters. brothers, neighbors, gas station attendant, police, teachers, and the list goes on. I was watching a bunch of grown men play basketball on Saturday at my gym while I was spinning away. Many of their sons were watching them act like 10 year olds. They yelled each other, swore at each other, stormed away, throwing the ball at the wall, and were generally pretty unsportsmanlike. I wondered what their sons were taking away from this display. 

When you talk on your cell while driving, or text away at your kids sports events, or scream at them to stop arguing with you, you are modeling. When you sit in the living room reading your favorite book you are modeling, when you make a meal for an elderly neighbor and walk it over, you are modeling. You don't always have to tell your kids to be kind, read more, or stop being disrespectful, you just have to do it yourself. I can't say it any clearer than Mr Sondheim. Remember, children will listen!

How do you say to your child in the night?

Nothing's all black, but then nothing's all white
How do you say it will all be all right
When you know that it might not be true?
What do you do?

Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see and learn
Children may not obey, but children will listen
Children will look to you for which way to turn
Children learn what to be
Careful before you say "Listen to me"
Children will listen

Careful the wish you make
Wishes are children
Careful the path they take
Wishes come true, not free
Careful the spell you cast
Not just on children
Sometimes the spell may last
Past what you can see
And turn against you
Careful the tale you tell
That is the spell
Children will listen

How can you say to a child who's in flight
"Don't slip away and i won't hold so tight"
What can you say that no matter how slight Won't be misunderstood
What do you leave to your child when you're dead?
Only whatever you put in it's head
Things that you're mother and father had said
Which were left to them too
Careful what you say
Children will listen
Careful you do it too
Children will see
And learn, oh guide them that step away
Children will glisten
Tample with what is true
And children will turn
If just to be free
Careful before you say
"Listen to me"

I hope you will all join me on Sunday night at 8 PM EST for my Facebook live broadcast. Joani's Ten Minute Teen Troubleshooting Parenting tip: Teaching your Teens To Think For Themselves. Just follow me on Facebook.