Watch first then we'll discuss:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152267191443694
When your teen was a little boy or girl maybe it was falling off the bike a million times, or falling on the ice, learning to tie their shoes, and or even more basic like potty training. Now it's friendships full of betrayal, disappointment at not making the team or the school play, or losing an election and perhaps disappointing you when their performance at school, on the field, or on a stage doesn't live up to your expectations.
The good news is that depending how the "failure" is framed it can be used as a learning moment, and not a failure moment. A what could I do differently moment, or I'll just have to keep at it moment. Either way, when the hard work pays off, with a new friend they can trust, or a passion that feels fulfilling, or getting past a difficult math problem or english paper, the feeling that peserverance pays off can literally be life altering.
When we protect our kids from pain, we take away the option of growth. The problem is that our kids pain becomes our pain, and it feels unbearable to us, so we want to fix it. It may make us feel better, but your teen may get the message that you don't think they can handle pain and suffering. Our kids are a lot stronger than you might think, maybe even stronger than we are. Give them the chance to fall, to lose, to get the C. From adversity comes strength. And I'm sure you know, adulthood is full of adversity. Prepare them now, so they won't depend on you later to be the fixer.
A great reminder, thanks Joani. It's so hard not to jump in and rescue our kids from failure. I know I don't always give my son credit for being stronger than I think.
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