Summer Party Rules

Zits comic:
Jeremy's parents to Jeremy: "Who have you invited to your party Jeremy?"
Jeremy: " Hmmm let's see, Sara, Pierce, Hector, Tim, D'jon, some guys from work, (turning his back) and everybody with a facebook account....
Mom writing a shopping list: "We'll need more coasters..
Dad: "And tasers!"

Perhaps your teen just arrived home from a month at camp or a teen trip, or a month spent with the grandparents, or maybe they have been home for the last month, but in any case, it's now their turn to have a party, having used up all the other partying venues. Your teen with aplomb and nonchalance says" hey, I'm thinking I'll have a few kids over this weekend." You, thrilled your teen actually wants kids over, enthusiastically give a thumbs up with images of pizzas and brownies dancing in your head. What you may not anticipate is that a "few kids" can turn into a cast of hundreds in moments if you don't help your teen with some planning and some rules. Heretofore are the rules:

1. Decide how many teens you feel comfortable having in your basement or hang space. Ask your teen how many kids he/she is expecting, and make sure your numbers match.

2. Let your teen know that if any mention of this get together shows up on facebook et al, it will be immediately canceled. That means he/she should notify his/her friends not to post this, text this, twitter this, tumblr this, google buzz this or use any other social networking tool that has been invented in the last 24 hours. He/she can tell friends that you have top-secret spyware to suss this kind of thing out.

3. All invitees MUST come through the front door, and must leave through the front door. Just like at Halloween stay close to the door so you can make sure no one comes in or leaves noticeably intoxicated. This is for safety sake.

4. Make sure that you are on backyard reconnaissance to guard against back door entry or exit, and booze delivery.

5. Let your teen know you will "visit" with food delivery several times during the evening. If they put up a fight about this, they can find another place to hang. It is as simple as that. Do not turn a blind eye, or be bamboozled by protests, be smart and be safe. And for heaven's sake do not give the rationale that " at least if they are drinking here they are safe." First it is illegal, and if the party gets quickly out of control, which it will, your neighbors will probably call the police, and you will be arrested for violating the Social Host Law. Also you do not know whether  the kids  coming to your house having pre-partied elsewhere and are already two sheets to the wind, and drinking at your house is just another stop on the party train. If they pass out, fall, vomit, etc it will be too late to say, "but I thought it would be safe." It isn't!!

6. Have fun...no really, have fun. These are good kids trying to get away with what they can. I totally get that. You don't have to be the gestapo!. Welcome the kids to your house graciously and with humor let them know that you "know all" so cut the shit and have a good time!!!!