Story 1:This past Sunday, The Boston Globe's front page story was titled "An Epidemic Of Anxiety". It recounted the tale of a high school girl egged on by a boy she had a crush on to send him a topless picture of herself using her cell phone. Because she thought this might seal the deal and possibly help bring the two of them together, she complied and sent him the topless photo. Needless to say, the boy was not interested in her boobs really, but this ploy had been orchestrated by a group of bitchy girls who thought this would be a hysterical prank to set this girl up, get her to take the boob photo and then send the picture to schoolmates using cellphones. And history, both literally and figuratively was made. The girl now completely humiliated had to face her classmates taunting glares and comments on her return to school.
Story 2: The dean of a private school told me this story last May at the conclusion of their 9th grade admission process. What is so striking about this particular story is that two girls from two different communities had exactly the same story that culminated in their leaving their respective high schools and come to this school. Here is what happened to each girl. Boy approaches girl saying; " I want you to send me a naked picture of yourself" Girl says no way! Boy continues to tease and cajole girl to send the naked picture. Girl says no way!!! So far so good. Boy says:" If you don't send me the naked picture I will start a rumor that you slept with me and all my friends and that you are a slut/whore." Nice guy. Girl now has decision to make, is it better to just send him the damn picture, or be faced with slut/whore comments? I personally would have gone with the slut/whore choice, but that's just me. Anyway, girls decided to go with the naked picture. And of course this picture went viral for both these girls, humiliation ensued, and both girls chose to leave their friends and their community for a private school to start fresh. Two different girls, two different communities, same outcome. Do you see the trend?
Here is the question that I know you readers are asking yourselves: Why didn't she talk to her parents? Here's why. Wouldn't your first instinct be to call the school immediately, make your daughter tell you who the boy was, and then threaten legal charges against the school, the boy, the boy's family, the group of girls, and anyone else you could think of to protect your daughter? I would have. So here is the dilemma of all these girls, If I go to my parents, they will go crazy, and then I will become a pariah in my school, way worse than if I just do this. And the sad thing here is, they are probably right.
So how do we protect our kids from situations like this or prevent them from happening in the first place. Here is the first and most important way: BLOCK THE PICTURE TAKING CAPACITIES FROM YOUR KID'S CELLPHONES!! You can go to your phone carrier and they can block outgoing and incoming data. If your kids can't take or send pictures through their phones, they won't take or send pictures through their phones. That's if they can't just say f%#ck off to the boys. Which would have been my best advice.
But the best protection is prevention. Here is how that can happen. A conversation with your daughter might go like this: Read The Globe article with your daughter and your son by the way. We'll get to him in a second. Don't get into lecture mode, about self-respect, blah blah blah, instead go to a place of understanding and an "I get it" moment. You might say: "these poor girls, what an awful situation to be put in. I get it must be hard to know what to do, these guys can be pretty persistent, and I'm guessing these girls wouldn't go to their parents, cause who's knows what they might have done. Honey, just in case this should ever happen to you, I want you to know, I won't go crazy, call the police or school because if I can help you get out of this situation before it happens then nothing will have happened for me to go to the school with. Once the deed is done, it really is out of our hands, and we lose total control. So I promise, we will figure out a way together for you to save your reputation, and embarrassment, just talk to us.
If you have a son. Also read him this story. The "I get it" moment here is: I get that you guys might be offered a naked picture of a girl who likes you, or that some guys are pressuring girls to send naked pictures. I just want you to know that once that happens and you are part of it, you are now open to charges of disseminating child pornography and can be arrested. If someone leaves their phone on the kitchen table, or in the school cafeteria, or on the sink when they go in the shower, and someone picks it up and looks at pictures and texts and your name or contact is anywhere in that mix, you are implicated. And besides the obvious legal ramifications, IT IS JUST WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who knew that cellphones would become mobile Penthouses and Playboys, using our sons and daughters as their models? Prevention is the best protection. Your job is to educate and prepare your kids for situations for which they have absolutely no experience. Encouraging your kids to come to you before a situation gets out of control is the ultimate goal. Let your kids know that you will promise to stay calm in the face of chaos.
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