It's fall and if you have a junior or a senior you are thinking, obsessing, and feuding with your teen to get on the stick!!! Tip 24 in my book Senioritis-Parentitis addresses this issue. The link below is a blog that excerpted this tip and published it. If you enjoy this one, there are 79 more in my book A Survival Guide To Parenting Teens, Talking To Your Kid About Sexting, Drinking, Drugs, and Other Things That Freak you out.
http://familyfocusblog.com/parenting-teens-navigating-college-process/#undefined
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Teens and Pot
Here is a guest blog I did for Teenlife on Teens and Pot. Enjoy
https://www.teenlife.com/blogs/articles/educating-your-teen-about-power-pot
PS If any of you have read my new book: A Survival Guide To Parenting Teens: Talking To Your Kids About Sexting, Drinking, Drugs, and Other things That Freak you..Thank you! If you like the book and feel like writing a review on Amazon I would be grateful. Let me know when you post it by emailing me at joani@joanigeltman.com, give me your address and I will send you my first book: I Get It: Three Magic Words For Parents Of Teens as a thank you gift. Here is the link:
https://www.teenlife.com/blogs/articles/educating-your-teen-about-power-pot
PS If any of you have read my new book: A Survival Guide To Parenting Teens: Talking To Your Kids About Sexting, Drinking, Drugs, and Other things That Freak you..Thank you! If you like the book and feel like writing a review on Amazon I would be grateful. Let me know when you post it by emailing me at joani@joanigeltman.com, give me your address and I will send you my first book: I Get It: Three Magic Words For Parents Of Teens as a thank you gift. Here is the link:
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
A Little TLC Goes A Long Way...Never Too Old
Sometimes life is just tough!! Teens work so hard at not needing you that it can come as a complete shock when they do! And when they do, and can let go of their " I can do it all by myself" you will be the first in line. And when that moment comes, you might not even have to say one word. Not a what's wrong? not a "here's what I think you should do" and definitely not an "I told you so!" Just open arms and open laps and the comfort that only a mom or dad can give.
Problem solving is what we do. But we do comfort even better. Don't confuse the two. You will know if your teen needs your help, because they will ask for it. And if they don't ask, probably better to just let it be. Understanding a teen's emotional life is a challenge. Just when you think you have a handle on what pushes their buttons, a new button appears and catches you completely off-guard. This new person that is emerging is like a surprise birthday party, sometimes you love it and sometimes you wished they had just send a card!
If any of you have read my new book: A Survival Guide To Parenting Teens: Talking To Your Kids About Sexting, Drinking, Drugs, and Other things That Freak you..Thank you! If you like the book and feel like writing a review on Amazon I would be grateful. Let me know when you post it by emailing me at joani@joanigeltman.com, give me your address and I will send you my first book: I Get It: Three Magic Words For Parents Of Teens as a thank you gift. Here is the link:
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
What To Do About Curfew?
Here is an interview I gave for working mother magazine about curfew tips. Enjoy!
http://www.workingmother.com/content/21st-century-tips-teenage-curfew
http://www.workingmother.com/content/21st-century-tips-teenage-curfew
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Some Of Joani's Life Lessons
Part of the fun of publishing a new book is that I get to do all kinds of fun interviews that make me think. Here is an interview I did for the website: Good enough Mother. How might you answer these questions?
http://www.goodenoughmother.com/2014/09/life-lessons-joani-geltman/
Remember if you write a review on Amazon for my book A Survival Guide To Parenting Teens, Talking To Your Kids About Sexting, Drinking, Drugs and Other Things That Freak You Out, I will send you a free copy of my first book: I Get It; Three Magic Word For Parents Of Teens. Just email me at joani@joanigeltman.com
Also I would love to come and do a book event at your home, your kid's school, for your book group, your business, Temple or Church. Lets Talk!
http://www.goodenoughmother.com/2014/09/life-lessons-joani-geltman/
Remember if you write a review on Amazon for my book A Survival Guide To Parenting Teens, Talking To Your Kids About Sexting, Drinking, Drugs and Other Things That Freak You Out, I will send you a free copy of my first book: I Get It; Three Magic Word For Parents Of Teens. Just email me at joani@joanigeltman.com
Also I would love to come and do a book event at your home, your kid's school, for your book group, your business, Temple or Church. Lets Talk!
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Teens like phones not clothes
With the start of the new year, perhaps you were prepared to spend a small fortune on your teen's back-to-school wardrobe. But to your surprise, your teen was less interested in scoring the latest, most expensive brand of jeans or sneakers and instead preferred to shop for the latest trendy cell-phone cover or pleaded with you for the updated IPhone, or tablet. So says an article in the New York Times. See link below.
I beg you, don't make their technology be any more seductive than it already is! There is no earthly reason why a teen needs the updated anything. Faster, better, sleeker, these encourage and feed the addictive beast of phone addiction. Truly this will be your biggest challenge with your teen. No expensive clothes, no weekly manis or pedis, just get me a new phone...pleeeze. Could these be the new status symbols of the teen years?. It used to be fancy clothes, or ugg boots, or $200 sneakers, or a fancy car to impress your friends. Do you remember what it was when you were a teenager? For me it was brand-name clothes. John Meyer, Villager, Capezzio, see I'm so old, you don't even know these brands, but that's what the "popular kids" wore. Thank god for Filene's basement, the original Marshall's, so I could keep up with cool kids, just at a bargain rate!
Clothes, shoes,sneakers may have been status symbols, but they weren't addictive and didn't affect our behavior or our relationships. Please don't feed this beast. Agreeing to upgrade, and update only send a message to your teen that you endorse their addiction. What they have is good enough for what they need it for. Think of it this way, Teens don't need to drive a Mercedes when they get their drivers license, they just need a good, safe, clunker with a few dings in already. A safe car, not necessarily a hot car. The message; we want you to be safe. Teens don't need the fastest, the most expensive technology, just what gets the job done.
Today is my first day back teaching my Freshman college students. For the first time ever I have had to institute a written cell-phone policy. I'm sure they will all be coming to class with their "little babies" their "binkies" for safety and security. Remember the little blankies that your child dragged around and you snipped away inch by inch as they gained the confidence to manage their world without it. Please give your teens the confidence that they can manage their world alone....even if it is only for 1 hour in the safety of their own house, and in the womb of their own room. I'll thank you if they show up in my class!
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/28/business/less-prep-more-plugs-teenagers-favor-tech-over-clothes.html
I beg you, don't make their technology be any more seductive than it already is! There is no earthly reason why a teen needs the updated anything. Faster, better, sleeker, these encourage and feed the addictive beast of phone addiction. Truly this will be your biggest challenge with your teen. No expensive clothes, no weekly manis or pedis, just get me a new phone...pleeeze. Could these be the new status symbols of the teen years?. It used to be fancy clothes, or ugg boots, or $200 sneakers, or a fancy car to impress your friends. Do you remember what it was when you were a teenager? For me it was brand-name clothes. John Meyer, Villager, Capezzio, see I'm so old, you don't even know these brands, but that's what the "popular kids" wore. Thank god for Filene's basement, the original Marshall's, so I could keep up with cool kids, just at a bargain rate!
Clothes, shoes,sneakers may have been status symbols, but they weren't addictive and didn't affect our behavior or our relationships. Please don't feed this beast. Agreeing to upgrade, and update only send a message to your teen that you endorse their addiction. What they have is good enough for what they need it for. Think of it this way, Teens don't need to drive a Mercedes when they get their drivers license, they just need a good, safe, clunker with a few dings in already. A safe car, not necessarily a hot car. The message; we want you to be safe. Teens don't need the fastest, the most expensive technology, just what gets the job done.
Today is my first day back teaching my Freshman college students. For the first time ever I have had to institute a written cell-phone policy. I'm sure they will all be coming to class with their "little babies" their "binkies" for safety and security. Remember the little blankies that your child dragged around and you snipped away inch by inch as they gained the confidence to manage their world without it. Please give your teens the confidence that they can manage their world alone....even if it is only for 1 hour in the safety of their own house, and in the womb of their own room. I'll thank you if they show up in my class!
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/28/business/less-prep-more-plugs-teenagers-favor-tech-over-clothes.html
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
I'm A Big Kid Now: The Transition To High School
Over the last couple of weeks,I have presented my Adolescent Psychology-The Parent Seminar at three different high schools as part of the parent orientation for their entering 9th graders. Every fall when I do this, I am reminded of how exciting and how terrifying this experience can be for the kids.
At the first school, the newbies were at a dance in the cafeteria while I held the parents captive in the auditorium. Upper class students were stationed at the door of the cafeteria in two long lines facing each other as the 9th graders walked between them. Think walking a gauntlet. For some of these 9th graders passing between these cool older students was exhilarating. Being cheered on, these teens walked through with great confidence, laughing, and smiling and hi-fiving their way into the caf. For some of the kids, this was pure hell. I watched as a group of four boys, definitely on the awkward side of 14 searched for an alternative means of entry. For them, the thought of being under the scrutiny of these older students, no matter how positive, was excruciating. They huddled, spoke in whispers, and when they realized it was now or never, they kept their heads down, making no eye contact with anyone, and shuffled as fast as they could done the line.
At another of the high schools where I presented, the kids and the parents came in together for an introduction of the guidance and advisory staff. Kids sat in the back of the auditorium, parents in the front. What struck me was that though these kids had known each other during their years at the one middle school in this town, it was as if the boys and girls were total strangers. Being 8th graders together was one thing, but now as high schoolers, it seemed as if their history together had been erased. The girls sat on one side, the boys sat on the complete other side, with an entire section of seats between them. They just could not create enough distance. They were starting from scratch, as if to say:" I don't know you, maybe I'll get to know you, maybe not, game on!
The transition to high school for some is the culmination of a dream they have had since they were little, fantasizing about all the high school fantasies kids have. " I am a big kid now.' It's not just the newness of the building that can cause their palms to sweat, but all those fantasies may or may not be realized, and that is terrifying. Will I get a boyfriend or a girlfriend? The clothes I bought are all wrong. Will my old friends still be my friends, or will they think other kids are cooler? I was the best (fill in the blank) in middle school, now there are million other kids who are better than me! When will I ever grow? School used to be so easy for me, not the work is too hard! I thought high school would be the answer to all my problems, but it is just harder.
For some it is better than they expected, especially for 9th grade girls. All of sudden they are getting tons of new attention from boys that are finally taller than they are. Their fantasies have been more than realized. Tweets, texts, invitations to party, it is all so perfect. Except that they are still only 14, and mom and dad don't think all this attention from these older boys is as good as she thinks it is.
So if your 9th graders come home from school, and gives you the silent treatment, I can assure you it has absolutely nothing to do with you. And don't make it about you. Try not to feel hurt and shut out. Just know that a million thoughts, feelings,and worries are coarsing through their body and their brain, and it is just too hard to sort it all. And when you ask the dreaded questions like: How was school? Do you like your teachers? How was practice? Do you like the kids in your classes? Who did you eat with for lunch? You many not get more than a grunt and a groan, and that is fine. You might just say: 'I get starting high school can be pretty overwhelming, I don't want to bug you with a million questions, but I am here whenever you need me." Also if you must ask questions, rather than asking yes or no ones, which leaves room for a "its fine" said in a grunting tone, and no real information, say "tell me about....." You might actually get some information.
Having realistic expectations and understanding that 9th is a transitional year, can help get you through this year. Grades might fluctuate, social life may falter, but it's all just a moment in time. There is always next year.
PS If any of you have read my new book: A Survival Guide To Parenting Teens: Talking To Your Kids About Sexting, Drinking, Drugs, and Other things That Freak you..Thank you! If you like the book and feel like writing a review on Amazon I would be grateful. Let me know when you post it by emailing me at joani@joanigeltman.com, give me your address and I will send you my first book: I Get It: Three Magic Words For Parents Of Teens as a thank you gift. Here is the link:
https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?ie=UTF8&asin=0814433669&channel=reviews-product&nodeID=&ref_=cm_cr_pr_wr_but_top#
At the first school, the newbies were at a dance in the cafeteria while I held the parents captive in the auditorium. Upper class students were stationed at the door of the cafeteria in two long lines facing each other as the 9th graders walked between them. Think walking a gauntlet. For some of these 9th graders passing between these cool older students was exhilarating. Being cheered on, these teens walked through with great confidence, laughing, and smiling and hi-fiving their way into the caf. For some of the kids, this was pure hell. I watched as a group of four boys, definitely on the awkward side of 14 searched for an alternative means of entry. For them, the thought of being under the scrutiny of these older students, no matter how positive, was excruciating. They huddled, spoke in whispers, and when they realized it was now or never, they kept their heads down, making no eye contact with anyone, and shuffled as fast as they could done the line.
At another of the high schools where I presented, the kids and the parents came in together for an introduction of the guidance and advisory staff. Kids sat in the back of the auditorium, parents in the front. What struck me was that though these kids had known each other during their years at the one middle school in this town, it was as if the boys and girls were total strangers. Being 8th graders together was one thing, but now as high schoolers, it seemed as if their history together had been erased. The girls sat on one side, the boys sat on the complete other side, with an entire section of seats between them. They just could not create enough distance. They were starting from scratch, as if to say:" I don't know you, maybe I'll get to know you, maybe not, game on!
The transition to high school for some is the culmination of a dream they have had since they were little, fantasizing about all the high school fantasies kids have. " I am a big kid now.' It's not just the newness of the building that can cause their palms to sweat, but all those fantasies may or may not be realized, and that is terrifying. Will I get a boyfriend or a girlfriend? The clothes I bought are all wrong. Will my old friends still be my friends, or will they think other kids are cooler? I was the best (fill in the blank) in middle school, now there are million other kids who are better than me! When will I ever grow? School used to be so easy for me, not the work is too hard! I thought high school would be the answer to all my problems, but it is just harder.
For some it is better than they expected, especially for 9th grade girls. All of sudden they are getting tons of new attention from boys that are finally taller than they are. Their fantasies have been more than realized. Tweets, texts, invitations to party, it is all so perfect. Except that they are still only 14, and mom and dad don't think all this attention from these older boys is as good as she thinks it is.
So if your 9th graders come home from school, and gives you the silent treatment, I can assure you it has absolutely nothing to do with you. And don't make it about you. Try not to feel hurt and shut out. Just know that a million thoughts, feelings,and worries are coarsing through their body and their brain, and it is just too hard to sort it all. And when you ask the dreaded questions like: How was school? Do you like your teachers? How was practice? Do you like the kids in your classes? Who did you eat with for lunch? You many not get more than a grunt and a groan, and that is fine. You might just say: 'I get starting high school can be pretty overwhelming, I don't want to bug you with a million questions, but I am here whenever you need me." Also if you must ask questions, rather than asking yes or no ones, which leaves room for a "its fine" said in a grunting tone, and no real information, say "tell me about....." You might actually get some information.
Having realistic expectations and understanding that 9th is a transitional year, can help get you through this year. Grades might fluctuate, social life may falter, but it's all just a moment in time. There is always next year.
PS If any of you have read my new book: A Survival Guide To Parenting Teens: Talking To Your Kids About Sexting, Drinking, Drugs, and Other things That Freak you..Thank you! If you like the book and feel like writing a review on Amazon I would be grateful. Let me know when you post it by emailing me at joani@joanigeltman.com, give me your address and I will send you my first book: I Get It: Three Magic Words For Parents Of Teens as a thank you gift. Here is the link:
https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?ie=UTF8&asin=0814433669&channel=reviews-product&nodeID=&ref_=cm_cr_pr_wr_but_top#
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